SEX AFTER CHILDBIRTH. When can I start?
Many women claim that making love for the first time after giving birth was like “the very first time.”
There are lucky women in the world who, even in the hospital, dream about how they will have sex again. And, which is characteristic, they soon successfully realize their dream. But such, alas, quite a bit. Statistics say that about 50% of new mothers have problems in sexual relations within three months after giving birth, and in 18% these problems continue throughout the first year. How and when can they be resolved?
When can I start?
You can start having sex no earlier than 4-6 weeks after giving birth.
This requirement, first of all, is connected with the fact that during this period the uterus gradually returns to its previous, pre-pregnant sizes, heals the place of attachment of the placenta (after all, after the placenta was separated from the uterine wall during childbirth, a solid wound remained in its place surface). If an infection gets into an unhealed wound during intercourse, the case may end with endometritis (uterine inflammation).
The vagina should also return to its previous state – because after childbirth it is stretched. Most often, by the sixth week after birth, it gradually decreases in size. In order to help him do this, gynecologists recommend performing Kegel exercises that train the muscles of the perineum and vagina.
In the middle of the last century, gynecologist Arnold Kegel invented them for women who, after giving birth, had problems with involuntary urination. Subsequently, it turned out that these exercises also increase sexual tone, improve blood circulation and even allow you to control orgasm. In order to feel exactly which muscles you need to train, try to stop the flow of urine during urination. The muscles with which you did this are the muscles of the perineum. Now your task is to learn to strain and relax them as much as possible, first at a slow and then at a fast pace. This can be done at any time – while walking, watching TV, lying in bed, etc.
It would seem that if childbirth occurred by Caesarean section, then such problems should not arise, and you can have sex almost immediately after childbirth. Indeed, the vagina did not undergo any changes in this case, but the wound at the place of attachment of the placenta should heal in the same way as after natural birth. In addition, a scar remains on the uterus, which heals within the same 4-6 weeks (the seam on the skin of the abdomen can heal much earlier).
It is worthwhile to understand. I can not or do not want to have sex in this period?
It happens that the doctor gives the go-ahead, and the woman still does not want any sex. Do not rush to diagnose frigidity, but rather understand why this happens. The reasons can be both quite obvious and lying deep in the subconscious.
By and large, the dulling of sex drive is a kind of natural reality. Indeed, as long as the calf needs constant maternal care and care, it cannot survive on its own, the next cub of the mother is not yet needed. Therefore, the estrogen (pleasure hormone) level decreases in the body of a recently born woman, hence the increased dryness of the vagina, even with a sufficiently high sexual arousal. If the birth was difficult enough, then subconsciously she wants to take revenge on her partner for the suffering.
Sex after childbirth: 7 reasons why a woman does not want
and what to do WITH it
After childbirth, a woman experiences a hormonal surge, the paramount task inherent in a woman’s nature is the care and care of the baby, so sexual desire is dulled. In the female body, estrogen production decreases, which leads to vaginal dryness and a decrease in libido.
How to help? Try not to forget that you are a woman, not just a mother, so take time and husband. If you experience discomfort due to vaginal dryness, use special lubricants.
In the first months after the birth of the baby and the stage of “grinding”, the woman gets very tired: constant lack of sleep due to frequent nightly feeding and colic, hence the lack of sexual desire. In addition, a woman may be offended by her husband for lack of help and go on principle.
How to help? The birth of a child is a test for the family, for your relationship with your husband, so it is important to be a team and seek support in each other, and not harbor grudges. Ask your husband to help you more, and if he does not have the opportunity, then say that you need a nanny, at least for a few hours a day. Encourage grandmothers, they are happy to walk with a stroller while you sleep for a few hours, put yourself in order or cook a hot dinner.
Complexes and Fears
The female body after childbirth is not ideal, it does not have the same elasticity, and the extra pounds have not yet gone, so the woman does not feel attractive and sexy. But all these complexes are sitting in your head, a man may not notice the shortcomings that you have come up with. In addition, he understands that it takes time to recover from childbirth.
How to help? Beautiful linen, a new fragrant scrub will help regain self-confidence. To feel beautiful, change your hairstyle, do light makeup for a walk, buy comfortable, beautiful clothes for your home.
Postpartum depression is, alas, not a myth, but a reality that about 10% of women face. What kind of sexual attraction in this state can we talk about? Do not neglect your condition, it is better to turn in time for support, to relatives and friends, and, perhaps, to a psychologist, so that you can quickly deal with this disease without serious consequences.
How to help? Tell your husband about your feelings, about what worries you, try to make your grandmother or nanny replace you. But the best thing, of course, is to seek the advice of a specialist who will help to cope with this situation correctly.
Fear of pain
Childbirth is painful, so a woman may be afraid that during sex she will also experience pain. And if there was an episiotomy and there are internal or external sutures, then these fears are quite justified. The feeling of fear dulls sexual desire.
How to help? In order not to experience unnecessary fears, before resuming a sexual life, be sure to consult a gynecologist, do an ultrasound scan and check with the doctor all the nuances.
Fear of getting pregnant
Immediately after childbirth, especially if they were difficult, the woman is haunted by the fear of a new pregnancy, this dulls sexual desire. Fear of becoming pregnant again should not be a hindrance in your intimate life, so just take care of contraception.
How to help? The main thing is not to believe in the myth that if a woman is breastfeeding, she cannot become pregnant, because the first ovulation occurs even before the first menstruation. To choose the right contraception that is safe for you and the baby, if you are breastfeeding, be sure to contact a gynecologist. Before that, use condoms.
Tension and inability to relax
Often, by nightfall, the young mother is so exhausted that she has no time for sex, in addition, she is in constant tension and worries that the baby can wake up at any time, so it’s not possible to relax.
How to help? Ask the nanny or grandmother to walk for a few hours in the afternoon with the baby on the street, and yourself, left alone, without waiting for the night, have sex. This may be preceded, for example, by taking a bath together to better relax. All in your hands.
For some reason, the widespread popular belief is that while a woman is breastfeeding or until her menstrual cycle has been restored, it is impossible to get pregnant. This is not true. Moreover, until the cycle has begun or become regular, it is very easy not to notice a new pregnancy. Menstruation may begin already on the 28th day after the birth, and may not come during the entire lactation period, but this does not mean at all that you are insured against pregnancy. What remains?
The calendar method now definitely does not suit you. In the “peace” period, it is only effective in 50% of cases, and even when the periods are irregular, one does not have to hope for it at all.
Regarding hormonal pills, doctors differ. Some argue that hormones, when ingested in milk, are not harmful to a child, others insist that modern hormonal contraceptives, skillfully selected specifically for you, will not affect the baby in any way. It is up to you to decide, but in no case do not try to “prescribe” yourself a hormonal drug on your own – only a doctor should do this. In principle, this is a fairly reliable tool – it is 97-99% effective.
There are several options for administering a hormonal drug:
• tablets themselves (it is necessary to take every day, and preferably at the same time);
• an injection, which is also called a “contraceptive injection”, the indications and contraindications for it are exactly the same as for tablets – only the form of use changes (it lasts for 8-12 weeks, depending on the type of drug);
• birth control capsule: administered under the skin of the shoulder (valid for 5 years, and at any time the capsule can be removed).
An intrauterine device is 98% effective, but it can be placed no earlier than 6 weeks after delivery and provided that you do not have chronic gynecological diseases.
Barrier contraception (condoms)
It's like having sex for the first time.
Many women claim that making love for the first time after giving birth was like “the very first time.” This must be borne in mind by a spouse burning with passion. It is now required from him a maximum of patience and tenderness in order to resume a love relationship. To begin with, he will have to share with his wife not only the bed, but also the care of the house and the child.
Massage is good for relieving muscle tension (especially with the use of essential oils). To begin with, it is better to choose a pose in which you yourself will control the depth and frequency of penetration – for example, the “rider” pose. To reduce vaginal dryness, you can use special gels and lubricants from the intimate store. It is very important that you do not doubt your attractiveness for a partner. Believe me, the male look is much less demanding than the female.
They say that it is the restoration of sexual relations – this is the end of the postpartum period and the beginning of a new stage in family life. May it be happy for you!